Finally the days are beginning to lengthen and after my misadventures with Waltham Forest Borough Council, I decided that this week's walk was going to not involve anything to do with London and it was therefore time to start to venture out further afield. Being the adventurous type, I unfurled the map across the campaign table at roblog HQ, and aimed for the furthest place I could get to. After I had overslept. Again.

After a quick calculation, I determined that I could probably walk for 5 hours and as the sun set at 17.30 and it was then 11.30, the furthest I could really get to was Essex. Or Kent. I thought about that for a while then decided that although I was going to be charged 2 quid to go to Kent across the Dartford crossing, I actually fancied feeling the Kentish mud beneath my feet. it had been a while.

So, after a quick flick throught the book of Kent Walks (I don't have one for Essex, making more of a case for Kent) I decided upon a walk around Penshurst. It looked quite a nice one, as not only did it look like it was going to a good route, but also I could revisit places that I hadn't been to for a while, such as Hever, Chiddingstone and of course Penshurst itself. It was a 12 mile walk, so a little shorter than my usual, but it was good to get out of London and walk somewhere new. Well... newish.

I got there in about the hour I'd figured it would take me, and I parked up in the village centre. It's amazing how much a whopping great parking fine makes you check and double check, so I made sure there was no possibilty I was going to get my car towed this week. I must have looked like a right old London tosser checking for parking restrictions in a village with 9 or 10 (rather lovely) houses. Once I'd convinced myself that all was well, I then set off on the stroll around some beautiful Kent countryside.

It's a nice route, taking in 2 or 3 crossings of the River Eden. The area is rich with historical connections, as Hever Castle is the seat of the Bullen family and it is there, so the story goes, that Henry VIII fell in love with Anne Bullen, or Boleyn, which of course lead to the establishment of the Church of England and also to Anne's untimely death on the scaffold. Chiddingstone, is also delightful, with it's beautiful old houses and it's stunning church. The scenery was superb and I was so happy to see some snowdrops on the way.

As I walked, I couldn't help but notice a feeling that I find difficult to put into words. The nearest I can put it is that I had an incredible sense of feeling "at home". I'm not sure where it came from, but I'm guessing that growing up in Kent has left me all these years later with the feeling that it's still home. Funny enough, I've lived in London for 13 years now, which is the longest I've lived anywhere. But I still don't think I've put roots down here. I'm not sure I will. But I suppose I've not really given it time anyway. Up until I bought my house, I'd moved on average about once a year, managing to live in Ealing, Shepherds Bush, Ealing again, Marylebone, Belsize Park, Camden, Golders Green, Winchmore Hill and finally here in East Ham. It's not bad here, and I do grow more fond of it day by day, but I can't see myself staying here. Although given my capacity for laziness you never know. But as I've said in a
previous post, London is a varied city. So, although there are common aspects about living here that are shared, each place really is different.

So it seems that I've got a long way to go to match my nearly 20 years I spent in Margate and Ramsgate in my home county of Kent. And naturally, throughout the years, I came to see a fair bit of the places in and around the county. There are many beautiful places in Kent spread right across the county. Many of them have real significance for me as I grew up to become the man I am today. I've got so many pleasurable memories of happy family days out, or Sunday afternoon walks with my dad and family holidays at my grandparents.

I'm coming to realise that deep down that such things are important to me. I'll readily admit I'm a sentimental person, but I don't think that's such a bad thing. It's nice to know your roots and more importantly, it's nice to be able to return to them once in a while. It doesn't mean that I want to live in the past. That would be foolish of course. In fact, I think the opposite is true as I think you are the sum of your experiences in life. Without new experiences, one cannot grow. But I think, for me at least, it's important to know where you are from, and who you are, and learn from past experiences.

So as I walked through Kent countryside, I decided I was well overdue to go for a walk with the old man. Arrangements will be made. I'm sure it won't be in Kent, but it's the Kent countryside that reminded me to do so. I'm off to Stanfords to get some ideas.

It's been a good weekend. The sun has shined. QPR won away and I was there to see it. I've been for a lovely walk with a very good friend. And I'm in a frightfully good mood. It doesn't come much better than this I think.

It's good to feel good isn't it? I mean, the very nature of being means that it's not always possible to feel good all of the time no matter what's happening in your life. But when these times come by they are certainly to be treasured. Even writing this blog entry is a real pleasure. I'm listening to some fantastic music (The Brute Chorus and also Tom Hickox, and they're worth checking out) while I write it.

I started the year feeling good about myself, and although I didn't set myself a new year's resolution (I don't believe in them to be honest), I told my friends that I felt this year was going to be a good one for me. I've written about it before. And so far so good. I'm continuing to eat well and drink less. I'm losing weight. I've even grown a beard and I've received lots of lovely compliments about it (although to be fair, most people have been honest and not everyone thinks so). I think my mother will make or break it for me if the truth be told!

I've been thinking about why I'm feeling positive about me and about my life and my future. And I think it's quite a simple difference in my approach. I just feel a little bit more in control of my own destiny. I've got a plan. Well, several in fact. I'm not drifting, waiting for things to happen. Because they won't, not unless I make them happen.

I'm quite sure it's easy to over analyse one's life and life in general, but I do think it's really important to learn what makes you tick, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. Without knowing this, then I think it's really difficult to know where you're going and that for me isn't a good place to be. For me, life isn't about material wealth, or success in business or career. It's not about driving the right car, or being seen at the right bar or about wearing the right clothes. It's not about accumulation of wealth. Or a bigger house. Or getting a high powered job.

I've realised that for me, it really is something as simple as this. The pursuit of happiness. And that's no easy challenge. Many intelligent and gifted people have tried to identify what makes us happy. They've all failed. We're far too complicated to come up with a recipe for happiness that suits everyone, so we need to know enough about ourselves to try and learn our own recipe. So here's my first attempt at mine:

1. Find some activities that you love and make sure you continue to do them in ways that you enjoy. Ignore the activities that you don't love where possible. Never ever stop looking for new activities that could add to your happiness.
2. Make sure that whatever it is that you do for a living, the most important part of it should be that it engages you and that you continue to learn and grow as you do that job. Move on whenever this isn't the case.
3. Make lots of friends. Take care of them and cherish them. Pick them up when they're down. Share as much of your time with them as you can. Encourage them to find their own recipe for happiness. Don't lose touch with them. Never be too proud to be the one who keeps the friendship going.
4. Smile as much as you can. Never ever forget the power of a smile. Remember what makes you smile, and try to do the things that make you smile. Try not to do the things that make you sigh and frown. Laugh whenever possible but never be afraid to cry.
5. Love and be loved. Love your family. Love your friends. Find the love of your life. Never be afraid to put your heart on the line for love. Don't be afraid of getting hurt, as those that love you will surely help you in times of need. Love yourself and remember if you don't love yourself, then no one else can.
6. Never stop learning. Don't close your mind to new ideas. Don't be afraid to change your opinions when you've been wrong in the past. Read as much as you can.
7. Look after yourself. You're ultimately the only person who can.
8. Don't ignore problems that prevent you from following any of these steps. They won't go away and will most likely get worse if neglected.
9. Above all, remember that this life isn't a rehearsal. Avoid regret at all costs. Regret is the cancer of happiness.

It's interesting as I wrote these down that I was thinking about so much of my life past present and future. Some things I've got right. Some things I haven't. I think it's easy to lose sight of simple things that keep us happy. We all get lost sometimes in the things that life throws in our way. But I do truly believe that if you follow simple principles in your life, then it really is possible for life to get better and better each day.

I hope I'm right. And I'm going to leave this weekend as a benchmark of where I want to be. I said at the start that it doesn't come much better than this. Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't. But that's no reason to give up on trying to make it better every day.

Last year I gave up eating meat (but not fish) for Lent. I found it quite a useful thing to do. I think it's nice to be disciplined once in a while. So I'm going to give up something else this year. Up until now, I've been fairly on and off about the drink, but since I'm only half way to my weight loss target, I thought it would be good for me to be alcohol free for the next 40 days.

Although my target is beginning to look like a real challenge now, I'm not giving up. I'm just going to up the stakes a bit now. And actually stick to my no booze thing. On accounts of it being Lent, which of course means I'll stick to it. Even though I'm not religious, that indoctrination as a child should keep me in check to make it for these next 5 or 6 weeks.

Piece of cake.

Well, obviously that's out as well. Dammit.

I've been playing video games for as long as I remember. I'm one of those mid thirties guys (and let's be honest we're mostly chaps, sorry girls) who've grown up with them. I've played on many different platforms. Arcade, ZX81, Spectrum, C64, Game and Watch, Atari 2600, Amiga, Dreamcast, Playstation, PC, PS2, N64 and Gamecube. Probably many many more.

There are so many favourite games that I've spent time (and certainly not wasted it) playing. Elite, Rome Total War, Elder Scrolls Oblivion, Kick Off, F/A 18 Interceptor, Battlezone, Soul Caliber, Pro Evo, Zelda, Way of the Exploding Fist, Yars Revenge, Impossible Mission, Frogger, Silent Service, Resident Evil, Ico, Mario, Mario Kart, Shadow of the Colossus, The Hobbit, Half Life 2, International Karate, Parappa the Rapper, Winter Games, Leaderboard, Boulder Dash, Worms, Stunt Car Racer, Gran Tourismo, Shenmue, Sonic, Soul Reaver, God Of War, Crazy Taxi, Grand Theft Auto. The list goes on and on.

But there's a common affliction that my 30 something gaming peers are suffering from. The lack of time to commit to our pastime. Where once there wasn't much to get in the way of playing your games, we now find our adult lives getting in the way. We've grown up and some of us now have families. We all have commitments. And other interests outside gaming. And we've got other financial priorities to worry about. Like, you know, paying the mortgage, saving money for holidays, saving money for pensions, paying bills. So many bills.

And what happens is that your list of games that you want to play just gets longer and longer.

2007 was a pretty good year for games. Edge magazine awarded three perfect tens, a total in a year that exceeds the total number given in the past years. Obviously I've got to play them.

The next generation of consoles has been with us for a year, and I've got none of them. Sitting under my alarmingly non widescreen, non HD, non flatscreen telly is a worryingly old looking PS2 and its pal the gamecube. Not a PS3, Wii or 360 to be seen. In fact my only relatively up to date gaming equipment is my beloved DS and my PC (which still needs an upgrade).

My list of unplayed games that I want to play is getting worryingly large:

Half Life 2 Episode 2 / Portal (aka Orange Box) - PC
Bioshock - PC
Zelda: Twilight Princess - Wii
God of War 2 - PS2
Okami - PS2
Rock Band - Multi
Super Mario Galaxy - Wii
Assasin's Creed - Multi
Medieval Total War 2 - PC

Somewhere I want to find the time to play these games. And for some of them I need new hardware. I want a Wii. And either a PS3 or 360. And a HD TV to go with it. It begs the question though. Is it worth my time and money to keep playing? Am I still getting the same kick out of games as I used to? Its a difficult one to answer.

In the end I think it's going to be the same thing that keeps me playing games that kept me playing all my life. It's that same thought that's kept me on the sofa. It's the same thought that as a consequence of playing God of War tonight, I'm writing this in the wee small hours, despite thinking I might write it at a much more reasonable hour of the day. What is it?

GAME OVER
"Just one more go...."